sub-zero

I've always talked about me freezing my feelings. I've deleted her msn from mine, deleted her preference from my facebook, stopped checking her blog, stopped checking her facebook..All so that i could stop being close to her, stop irritating her, and RESPECT her decision and relationship. All so that i could escape to a world where happiness no longer means seeing her smile and stop cursing this holiday as such melancholic days. I've had such great escape laughing to tears with my guy friends, and trying to go back to my old self of flirting girls. But i realised that after all, even the sweetest escape is still only an escape.
Lots of my friends may have told me she is not worth it. But hey, what do they know of her?
I may not be a prince, but hey, do i have to be a prince to have the rights to love her?
She is no longer a part of my life i am living right now, but hey, why am i still escaping?
Ah, at least now i am strong, strong enough to say 'I'll wait for the princess' with a proud smile. Maybe after all, this is what frozen feeling is like.

welcome to my life

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

(Chorus)

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

(Chorus)

untitled

He had gone offline for almost a week, and was living a life full of football, video games, prayers, friends. He was trying to stop talking to the walls, stop thinking, stop hoping, stop waiting. He was quite successful he even dared to think: maybe he no longer loves her after all.

And then, he came online, not realizing that he will tremble just by noticing her name. He could literally taste the glass of tears he sips from. It was sweet, sour. Then it was bitter. The glass is vivid, amidst a mere imagination. It is more influential than a Hitler is to a Nazi, yet it is more terrifying than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The power of that glass is, still immense, after all.

p.s. it is fun to talk to you because you are very talkative, hahaha. But I can’t come online much cos the glass will haunt me if I do. Anyway, thank you for your support, it means really really really a lot to me, hopefully my prayer worked for you haha..

i am hating my mom, she doesnt even know me at all, thinks that am bad tempered, not caring to all my friends. gives a lot of stupid nonsense advices each day. MOM!!YOU JUST DONT KNOW ME!!darn, should stop hating..

the true prince

She used to tell me about her dreams..I could only keep her dreams as dreams..I could fulfil none..
She dreamt of working in a hotel and meeting a super rich guy..I guess that dream is fulfilled now, its just that it is a school..She dreamt of a super grand wedding, and going to US for roller coasters..She can afford to start visualising them becoming reality now..After all, maybe the prince should have been him in the first place..He wears a multi million Tag Heuer watch that she likes, i can only wear a fake one..He wanted to buy her a 1.5 million dress, i could only give her a bottle of chocs and birthday card with stupid scrolls on it..He is the prince, not me..

One who sacrifices a lot to teach her how to really love suffers what none of her other boyfriends will ever feel..but,
One who treats her birthday as more important than his birthday himself no longer matters to her at all..
One who only has a faithful heart will never win..yet,
One who forgets all the bad things that happened and only keeps the good memories will always love her..
One who always loves her, will always think that she is the best thing that ever happen to him..

the scholarships, the dreams, the limelight

Of all days, today is the day that i hate myself being born in a middle-income family..Before i got the scholarship notice from ntu, my parents were forcing me to go auckland, cos the uni life is very much relaxing, i get to work during weekdays and weekends, and THEY think that i will have a better life there..going auckland would cost almost twice if i go singapore..But oh well, they earn a xx figure a year, and they have the rights to decide where they should delegate their money into..Today, i called nus and they told me i got sembcorp scholarship..I did my own calculation and found out that it only gives me around $4000 more each year..which means that after i graduate, the $16000++ accumulated, i will have to work 3 more years just to 'pay' for it.
Now, this decision(asean or sembcorp) is very simple as sembcorp is effectively not lucrative at all..however, it would have been a simpler decision had i not been born in a capable family..I would not have even given a second thought on asean scholarship if my parents could not afford to pay for my living costs..i was so sure that i am going nus i could even visualise myself being there, with my really close friends, and with the irreplacable one..I was falling in love with nus..Yet, the notice came, and it shattered my dreams..curse me, spat on me, blast me, for contemplating getting a scholarship other people would have been very happy to get..even my parents, my relatives are very happy for me..yet, the person on the limelight does not smile..and i dont think my parents would be bothered to even listen to me if my tongue speaks of breaking the bond if 6 years is too long..cos where i really really really wanna go doesnt matter..what matters is the most lucrative scholarship..
oh well, everyone around is happy for me..at least the person standing on the limelight should forget the word 'agony' in his dictionary and smile on the red carpet..even if it has to be a fake one..