Pathetic Meat Sack
Why am i living this life so pathetically?Nowadays, i no longer taste my food. They all taste plain to me. And i am merely consuming it to continue surviving. Sleeping is no longer a joy for me. I merely do it to gather enough energy for tomorrow. And i hate it that unconsciously, i have to spend one hour before i sleep and one after i sleep, lying on the bed, thinking of the past i want to change, the future i would really want, thinking of her. I go to mandarin classes cos my father asked me to. I helped my dad out cos i want to divert my attention from someone. I go for guitar classes so that i can fill my time better with something more useful. I go to church so i can get away from my suicidal life and surrender myself to Him. At this moment, i have lost my purpose in life. I am swaying through the days, flowing with uncertain direction, floating on a deserted boat. I am pathetic.
When i met her, my breath was taken away and my heart stopped beating. On the 13th February 2008, i forgot that she makes me breathe. I forgot that she is my heartbeat. I took things for granted. I was wrong. I was stupid. Now, i am dead. My heart was crucified on that day. I mourn. I am sorry. I have learned from my mistake. But there is no turning back. Either she revives the crucified heart again, or it dies forever. in regret.
posted by kai @ 8:07 PM
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