Late night toxic thoughts

I waited for today for the past 2 weeks. In that 2 weeks, I could barely sleep, I could barely eat, I could barely think. The thought of confessing or asking her tilts me so hard I started thinking of possibilities. I started thinking how happy or how broken I will be when she answers me.
I'm not sure if there is ever a right time to ask this, but I got quite upset when she backed out on me. I thought my mind will be in peace after tonight. I thought I can probably, for once and for all, move on.
Yet my insomnia will live for another day. Probably another week. Probably till God knows when. I'm never the kind to be comfortable putting my heart out there and be vulnerable. And it's killing me inside to not know what's gonna happen.
I learnt that I should not let people who I love walk by me without me telling them how I feel about them. So I've decided that I will tell her one day, no matter what the consequences will be.

It was hard being by her side because I didn't wanna let her go through the break up alone. It was hard to know that the 1000 things that I did would not make her as happy as any 1 thing that he did to her. But I just had to be there. Because I know how it feels like to be alone in the deepest, gloomiest part of our heart. Even though it killed me slowly as I felt helpless and useless, I hoped she went through better time moving on. And as she got to a better position as they decided to get to know each other again, I had to start staying away. I had to start saving myself from falling into my deepest agony. So I disappeared to heal my wounds, hoping they would come to terms and be happy again. But I guess that was never meant to be.

And as time passes, as much as I convinced myself that I have moved on, I haven't. It's easy to feel with my brain; but it's nowhere near feeling with my heart. And as much as I hate to admit it, I suck at moving on. I suck at stopping my feelings. And before I know it, I've fallen back into the depths of emotion.

I don't know if this is ever going to end well. I am really, really scared to find out. What if, happy ending is not the ending?