the scholarships, the dreams, the limelight

Of all days, today is the day that i hate myself being born in a middle-income family..Before i got the scholarship notice from ntu, my parents were forcing me to go auckland, cos the uni life is very much relaxing, i get to work during weekdays and weekends, and THEY think that i will have a better life there..going auckland would cost almost twice if i go singapore..But oh well, they earn a xx figure a year, and they have the rights to decide where they should delegate their money into..Today, i called nus and they told me i got sembcorp scholarship..I did my own calculation and found out that it only gives me around $4000 more each year..which means that after i graduate, the $16000++ accumulated, i will have to work 3 more years just to 'pay' for it.
Now, this decision(asean or sembcorp) is very simple as sembcorp is effectively not lucrative at all..however, it would have been a simpler decision had i not been born in a capable family..I would not have even given a second thought on asean scholarship if my parents could not afford to pay for my living costs..i was so sure that i am going nus i could even visualise myself being there, with my really close friends, and with the irreplacable one..I was falling in love with nus..Yet, the notice came, and it shattered my dreams..curse me, spat on me, blast me, for contemplating getting a scholarship other people would have been very happy to get..even my parents, my relatives are very happy for me..yet, the person on the limelight does not smile..and i dont think my parents would be bothered to even listen to me if my tongue speaks of breaking the bond if 6 years is too long..cos where i really really really wanna go doesnt matter..what matters is the most lucrative scholarship..
oh well, everyone around is happy for me..at least the person standing on the limelight should forget the word 'agony' in his dictionary and smile on the red carpet..even if it has to be a fake one..