yesterday was a wonderful day

She used to tell me she’ll never regret the relationship cos the good things overwhelm the bad ones. But I will never understand why she is always that cold when she talks to me now. I try my best to divert my attention, indulging in all the busyness I can find. Yet, the busier I am, the more stress I accumulate, there is always the thought of leaning to someone, holding on to someone. But this is not the time to be weak.

And yesterday was a wonderful day. I always love to walk around ntu when it is past midnight, cos it is so peaceful when there is no one around. I hear only the sound of cracked leaves and the gustling wind. And occasionally, I see pigs crossing the nanyang crescent. But yesterday was a perfect one. Nothing beats running around the whole campus in rain. For that one moment, I had a rush of what I have been feeling for this whole year. It was dark. Albeit how unwise it is, I’ve chosen a path. I chose to run. It felt as if the raindrops bleached my entire skin, an astute pain. I was panting, I was about to give up. But then again, I remembered that I am the one who chose the path. I chose to be in the storm, I chose the unwise choice. Nevertheless, the path is not finished. No matter what happens, I need to believe. Believe that I will reach the finish line. I will reach my room. The path was steep, windy, cold, obscure. Nonetheless, the path has its end. Every step requires a great fight, but every step reached is a progress. The finish line is there, comfortable room sheltered from darkness, stormy wind and the tormenting rain. I need to get out of this wretchedness. I ran hard, cos it was very painful. I ran harder, cos it was very painful. I ran the hardest I could, cos it was utmost painful. Finally I reached the finish line. I was wearied, lethargic, I was drained. No one to lean to, no one to hold on to. But yesterday, I became stronger.

I guess I am not ready for a new leaf. I am not prepared to tell someone the 2^nd last thing I would want to happen in this world is for her to cry. I am not prepared to tell someone that her smile is the 2^nd prettiest smile I’ve ever seen. Besides, I don’t know when I’ll get something of my possession back, recover and fix that hole, but I guess, it is not the time to indulge into the weak side . It’s not the time to ponder into feelings. It’s time to regain focus. It’s time to stop wasting my life.